The Bane of my Existence: Breakfast Foods

I’m not eggsagerating

Photo by Rachel Park on Unsplash

In my opinion, there are two types of people in this world: those who eat cereal for breakfast, and those who do not. I am the latter.

My Tragic Backstory

Our mother tried, she really did. We went to the supermarket, we looked at all of the beautiful, well marketed, cereal boxes on display, and with shining eyes we took them home each time —that maybe, just maybe — this time would be different.

I mentally prepared myself for it at night. Tomorrow, I would eat cereal for breakfast, and I would like it.

But on a cold November morning, only vaguely awake enough to go to the bathroom and put on my school uniform, the bowl of cereal depressed me beyond belief.

The night before, I had treated the idea of pouring myself the starchy stars of salvation and the luminous milk with all the seriousness of a Japanese tea ceremony.

But the truth was, the 7 AM air was freezing, the milk was freezing, and I was fussy 6 year-old. I was opposed to eating the cereal hard, I was opposed to eating it soggy. Somehow, there was never a balance between these two material states, unlike my good friend Scrambled Eggs, who my mother kindly reunited me with after taking in my desolate expression after…